Birthday

So, birthdays are a good time to reflect on our lives.  Where have we been, where are we now and where are we going.  Do we even know the latter?  Some people are sure they do.  At least, they have a plan.  Others just seem to flow, with no obvious direction and no oars.

I feel a bit like that: no oars, no obvious plan.  I'm 38 today and still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.  I have three amazing children.  I love being their mother, and believe I would be happy doing that full time.  Though I worry that I would get bored, or regret it a few years down the line when I want to get back into the work place.  Plus, we do need the extra income.  The ironic thing is that I chose to work in real estate to have a flexible job so I can be a very present mother.  The only problem with real estate is that there is no steady income.  So while I may be spending hours away from my kids, I may not necessarily be earning any money.  Defeats the purpose, no?  The pull is that the potential is there.  I could see myself making a good career out of it.  But, at this point, is it worth the time away from my family?

Is part of my problem that I do not have the guts to admit that I want to be a stay at home mom?  Do I really want to do that?

At this point in my life, I feel like I am doing everything wrong.  Everything.

So, even though they say "another year older, another year wiser", it seems for me that it should be: 'another year older, another year stupider'.